( It's a scary feeling, that tender gesture. Perhaps it's because it's something he can't write off, something he can't explain away— or maybe it's the echoes of tender gestures that come with it, the overwhelming feeling in overlay, again, and again, on top of itself. It's suffocating, like there's going to be a point where he can't lift his head anymore, can't take in another breath after what he feels.
But right now, he can. Right now, something burning inside of him can hold onto that tenderness, and he has a direction for it. Leaning down, Esikko touches their foreheads together, his hand guiding Kirma's thigh to wrap around behind him all while he watches those mismatched eyes. )
...I can't be the only thing.
( His words are mumbles, eyes focused on Kirma and yet somewhere through him, all the same. He knows there is more that he wants. That there's no way the relationship he's seen growing with a certain blonde man isn't something he can claim to want. He knows that there's so much more than he, a useless prince still learning magic, has to offer.
But of course he wants to have that challenged. Wants to see Kirma meet him completely, to feel the warmth of their bodies crossing and connecting. When he pulls his forehead away from Kirma's, it's to duck down so that he can kiss him, fingers curling sharper into the base of his thigh.
It's not cuddling, no. But it's the only way he's learned how to express himself so far. )
( hmm. even in his current state of mind, hearing that as esi's response is enough to make him pause, his ears twitching even as the rest of him revels in the simple contact of them resting on each other. he cannot begin the guess at esi's thoughts, when that same man is the furthest thing from his mind right now, too singularly focused on the heat of the moment. maybe if he hadn't been drinking, he could've made the connection. maybe. )
You are, ( is all he can say, without that. a statement as earnest as it is simple, spoken from a place that cannot imagine anything that could contradict it. a place that also won't be in this room, come morning, when everything falls apart and unravels between the both of them.
that problem is for future kirma to deal with, though. the current him's primary concern is with the kiss, with opening his mouth to take in the lingering taste of sweetness and alcohol; it's with letting his arms circle esi's neck to pull him in all the better, running an open palm along the breadth of his back. unfortunately the trazie is hitting here And he's being kind of a pillow princess so this is the end of the tag now. goodbye )
( Kirma gets to be the royalty tonight, huh. Well, that's fine. Esikko would be doing whatever he wanted regardless, and the affectionate attention he's receiving right now feels nice over the buzz of the alcohol. He kisses deeper, hand slipping from Kirma's thigh to position between his legs. He swipes a finger playfully along his ass, cupping his balls into his palm before he drags up and over his shaft, curling into a gentle grip.
Here, he giggles a little into the kiss, clearly pleased with himself. It's fun, to tease like this. To do what feels strangely like was always meant to happen, but never could— and as his teeth graze gently across Kirma's bottom lip, he allows himself to forget anything else. )
( there is a part of him that wishes it could be this way forever. some say the magic fades once you get used to a thing, but— how many lives have they spent together? enough that it surely would’ve happened by now, were it possible. yet kirma never tires of any moment with esi, no matter how fraught things are. even when he’s agitated, complaining, sulking, the spaces between each thought are filled with warmth, and maybe that’s the true thing that anchors him there. if they could somehow come together without those things, though?
it’s akin to a pleasant dream, and right now, he gets to live it thoroughly. his legs part further, angling to try and facilitate esi’s movements, whatever they may be. the giggle is enough to pluck a heartstring, sending so much tension along the sinew that it feels ready to snap. really, why couldn’t it last— why couldn’t they thread themselves together, if they’re already irreversibly intertwined— to his addled mind, it all seems so straightforward. so easy. truly, the way it all backfires will shock him.
that doesn’t matter quite yet. right now, in this room, he’s more occupied with the body atop him; with a hand, he traces the shape of the still-healing gouges down his torso, a gentle echo of the violence from that day. there’s something akin to regret in his gaze, his fingertips lingering at the same spot they’d once pushed in so deep. there’s new skin there, knit soft and pink over a lurid moment, and maybe, with any luck, in another month there’ll be nothing there at all. )
( Soft touches over scars where he'd been so much less gentle before do not go unnoticed by Esikko. They're answered with a curve of his lips, a smile that could almost be called understanding, one that might border on it— it's complicated, the way he feels about that encounter. The way he feels about the two of them at all, stuck in an endless cycle of give and take, and by his own doing. His feelings shift by the day, the hour, the minute, and isn't that how it's always been? Isn't that what's the most exciting?
It feels like Kirma is someone he can toss aside and still look back to find there, waiting. There's a security in that, in the constant test of setting him free, of pushing him back and then pulling him in.
Right now, Esikko only cares about this warmth, the giddiness encouraged by alcohol and closeness. He turns his face slightly, as he leans closer, positioning himself so that his long fingers can wrap around the both of them together. Maybe just this is nice, a lazy, comfortable sort of stroking, a togetherness that feels right. His nose nudges into the side of Kirma's face, unusually tender, and he plants a new kiss there, at his jaw line. )
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But right now, he can. Right now, something burning inside of him can hold onto that tenderness, and he has a direction for it. Leaning down, Esikko touches their foreheads together, his hand guiding Kirma's thigh to wrap around behind him all while he watches those mismatched eyes. )
...I can't be the only thing.
( His words are mumbles, eyes focused on Kirma and yet somewhere through him, all the same. He knows there is more that he wants. That there's no way the relationship he's seen growing with a certain blonde man isn't something he can claim to want. He knows that there's so much more than he, a useless prince still learning magic, has to offer.
But of course he wants to have that challenged. Wants to see Kirma meet him completely, to feel the warmth of their bodies crossing and connecting. When he pulls his forehead away from Kirma's, it's to duck down so that he can kiss him, fingers curling sharper into the base of his thigh.
It's not cuddling, no. But it's the only way he's learned how to express himself so far. )
no subject
You are, ( is all he can say, without that. a statement as earnest as it is simple, spoken from a place that cannot imagine anything that could contradict it. a place that also won't be in this room, come morning, when everything falls apart and unravels between the both of them.
that problem is for future kirma to deal with, though. the current him's primary concern is with the kiss, with opening his mouth to take in the lingering taste of sweetness and alcohol; it's with letting his arms circle esi's neck to pull him in all the better, running an open palm along the breadth of his back. unfortunately the trazie is hitting here And he's being kind of a pillow princess so this is the end of the tag now. goodbye )
no subject
Here, he giggles a little into the kiss, clearly pleased with himself. It's fun, to tease like this. To do what feels strangely like was always meant to happen, but never could— and as his teeth graze gently across Kirma's bottom lip, he allows himself to forget anything else. )
no subject
it’s akin to a pleasant dream, and right now, he gets to live it thoroughly. his legs part further, angling to try and facilitate esi’s movements, whatever they may be. the giggle is enough to pluck a heartstring, sending so much tension along the sinew that it feels ready to snap. really, why couldn’t it last— why couldn’t they thread themselves together, if they’re already irreversibly intertwined— to his addled mind, it all seems so straightforward. so easy. truly, the way it all backfires will shock him.
that doesn’t matter quite yet. right now, in this room, he’s more occupied with the body atop him; with a hand, he traces the shape of the still-healing gouges down his torso, a gentle echo of the violence from that day. there’s something akin to regret in his gaze, his fingertips lingering at the same spot they’d once pushed in so deep. there’s new skin there, knit soft and pink over a lurid moment, and maybe, with any luck, in another month there’ll be nothing there at all. )
no subject
It feels like Kirma is someone he can toss aside and still look back to find there, waiting. There's a security in that, in the constant test of setting him free, of pushing him back and then pulling him in.
Right now, Esikko only cares about this warmth, the giddiness encouraged by alcohol and closeness. He turns his face slightly, as he leans closer, positioning himself so that his long fingers can wrap around the both of them together. Maybe just this is nice, a lazy, comfortable sort of stroking, a togetherness that feels right. His nose nudges into the side of Kirma's face, unusually tender, and he plants a new kiss there, at his jaw line. )